No One Gonna Love You

In Jennifer Hudson's video No One Gonna Love You she's going through a situation many women find themselves in with a man that she has been dealing with for quite some time, someone she's been through a lot with, but loves to pieces and accepts for who he is. She spends the entire day prepping for their anniversary dinner that she planned for the both of them and she's let down when he doesn't show. At that point she is genuinely hurt that he didn't have to do anything and she bent over backwards to create a memorable moment and express her love to him, to celebrate their relationship... I won't tell the ending of the video or my beef with it, but instead I'd like to address the behavior of a women who gives everything of herself only to be let down by the "world". I put world in quotation marks because our relationships are what mean the most to us, be it family, friends or a significant other.

Take a look at the video and take notes on Jennifer's behavior:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqkt7WIf144

After watching the video what did you observe? First, I'd like to say that Jennifer is an excellent actress and she is soooo beautiful inside and out. She was able to depict emotions that so many women feel when they've been let down in a relationship: hurt, anger, disbelief... In the beginning she also showed anticipation, anxiety, anxiousness and a genuine desire for things to go perfectly as planned. I'd be remissed to leave that part out.

Getting to the point - Feeling hurt by someone's actions happens. You will get angry at your partner's lack of enthusiasm or be in disbelief that you've put so much effort into what you have and wonder what type of women that makes you. I have the answer for that! I want my readers to know that makes you normal, the same as you getting anxious and spending hours primping to make yourself beautiful in his eye sight does. I once read a quote by Lena Horne "Don't be afraid to feel as angry or as loving as you can, because when you feel nothing, it's just death." So my advice is to feel every emotion you have in that moment, take in the experience and learn from it. The moments you love the hardest or anger consumes you are shaping you into the character you are. Your role should always be to choose to play yourself. As I listen to the words of this song, I can imagine the lyrics being about a person's love of self. "No one gonna love you/like I'm gonna love you". Replace "you" with "me" and suddenly the dynamics of the song take on a whole new meaning for yourself. Choose to love you better than anyone else!

What does this have to do with beauty? Choosing you is the first step to embracing your beauty, but who are you? Choosing who you want to be takes time and thought. While you sit in the mirror putting on your lipstick and flat ironing or curling your hair think about what kind of person you want to be if he doesn't show up or if you find yourself waiting on him, especially if this won't be the first time. Ask yourself while you are pulling the mascara wand through your lashes if you want more from a relationship, because you clearly deserve it. The amount of effort and time spent to prep alone, not even taking into account the amount of work your brain did to think thoughts of how to make yourself and that moment or previous moments execute flawlessly... have they produced an adequate outcome up to this point? And as you lean back from the mirror, take a look at the full picture, find the beauty and accept the flaws, reach for your purse to walk out the door in confidence knowing that no matter what he does, you are fine inside and out. You are FINE enough to choose to love you more than him. So if he doesn't show, you show up for yourself, feed yourself, please yourself and then go home and take pictures of how beautiful you look!

The Beauty Equation Challenge 6: Radiance

Teach:

Radiance – To enhance the brilliance of your inner glow

“The mirror can be your friend, but it is not the gateway to your magnificence.” – Nigel Barker

Nigel brings us into the 6^th challenge, Radiance by questioning what it is we see when we look through the mirror. He wants us to stop our obsession with picking out our imperfections and flaws and realize that the mirror is only a mere mathematical tool for finding our Beauty Equation. The mirror functions as a plus or minus sign depending on our self-esteem when we look into it. Only someone who is capable of controlling their self-perceptions can use the tool correctly. This teach will be difficult for those who struggle with Body Dysmorphic Disorder, an obsession with a perceived flaw or minor imperfections. I challenge you to find the balance in questioning who you really are, not too much and not too little. This is important because this chapter talks about outer presentation, meaning your skin, hair, and clothes that tell your inner story.

“Beauty is never really found when you’re sitting in front of a mirror. You feel beautiful when you are out… finding those happy moments in life.” – Kimmy Hise

Nigel Barker cleverly reminds us that beauty is only skin-deep, superficial and we must look within a person to find their true beauty. He stated, “Just as everyone is  innocent until proven guilty, everyone is beautiful until proven ugly.” I thought this was a clever analogy.

We send messages to people around us about who we are by the way we behave, how we wear our makeup, and the choice of clothes we wear. All of these things are associated with our inner beauty or lack thereof.  It’s much harder to develop our character than it is to change our outer appearance to reflect the beauty we possess inside. Developing character is an individual task that takes time and requires the ability to understand yourself and who you are within. Work at it!

As far as our outer appearance, we MUST take good care of our skin, hair, entire body and even our wardrobe. Nigel advises that if you wear makeup, don’t over do it.  He agreed with Tyra that makeup can make a women feel confident and enhance natural features, but only if its done in the right proportions. Here are his makeup dos and don’ts

Do:

Love Your Skin

·      Your skin is the largest and most visible of your organs. It lives and breathes just like your heart.

·      Never put on makeup without washing and moisturizing your face and always remove your makeup at the end of the day.

·      Drink plenty of water.

·      Exfoliate at least once a week.

·      Steam bath your face.

·      Get some sleep!

·      Wear a hat in the sun

·      Wear sunscreen

See The Light

·      Do your makeup in proper lighting.

·      Study your face in different lighting using the shadows and highlights to understand and learn how lighting affects your features and how you look.

·      Use products that can mimic lighting effects (i.e. bronzer).

Remember Less is More

·      The less makeup you wear the more you shine through.

·      Experiment and learn what products work best for your features.

·      You don’t have to use ever type of makeup available (foundation, mascara, eyeshadow, lipstick, concealer). Only use what is needed to enhance your own unique equation.

Blur the Lines

·      Blend your makeup so that there are never any harsh lines. This stands true for foundation as well as eyeshadow and lipliner with lipsticks.

·      When you are done with your makeup, set it with a fluffy brush and translucent powder. Don’t forget your neck and hairline.

Protect the Innocent

·      Apply your makeup in a bathrobe or cover your outfit.

·      Use cruelty-free makeup (protect the animals that are used in the name of cosmetic research

·      People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) has an online database of companies and brands that test their beauty products on animals.

·      While doing your makeup, have your upper chest exposed to accurately match your foundation with your body’s skintone and blend your foundation evenly.

Practice, Practice, Practice

·      Practice at home even when you have nowhere to go.

·      Makeup application is 10 percent skill and 90 percent practice.

Don’t:

Don’t Reflect Too Much

·      Too much shimmer can catch the light and reflect in an awkward unflattering way.

·      Contour your face properly. Light pops features out and dark pushes features in.

·      Use shimmer on the bridge of your nose, the inner corners of your eyes, and the apples of your cheeks.

·      Don’t place too much shimmer on the brow bone (under your eyebrows) This can reflect badly in pictures.

Don’t Cover Up

·      Covering up skin problems such as acne or rosacea with heavy makeup can appear cakey.

·      Focus on skincare rather than makeup products to clear skin ailments.

·      Covering acne with light concealer will make it stand out even more, instead dab it with a foundation that matches your skintone and dust over it with powder

Don’t Clash

·      Use eyeshadow colors that compliment your skintone.

·      Always check expiration dates on products and store them well.

·      Update your makeup often, throwing out old mascara and sponges that may contain dirt and bacteria

·      Have Winter and Summer makeup because with each season, the shade of your skin changes.

Don’t Be a Victim

·      Makeup counters don’t have the proper lighting to match your skintone with foundation

·      A sales rep at the makeup counter is there to sell and may tell you anything to earn their commission.

·      Bring a friend

·      Walk outside in the natural light to compare your skintone with a tested spot of foundation.

Don’t Be Lowbrow

·      Don’t overtweeze your eyebrows.

·      Full eyebrows are associated with youthfulness

·      Follow the natural shape of your eyebrows when shaping them

·      Pluck one hair at a time and take it slow!

Don’t Fool Yourself

·      Just because a makeup trend is hot, does not mean it fits you

Don’t Stress Out

·      Do 30 min of aerobic exercise a day to keep your mind off your worries.

Don’t Mash Your Face

·      Your skin reacts to repetition and will begin to train the lines in your face to become more prominent.

“Realize that God gave you the features you have for a reason – mess with them and you might ruin his masterpiece.” – Andrea Dawn Clark

This chapter went more in depth about hair and clothes, but I’ll save that info for another day… If I still have your attention, let’s fast forward to the challenge!

“The only way to choose the “right” makeup, hair and clothing is to understand your total Beauty Equation”, according to Nigel, “You can’t look to others to define what you should wear any more than you can look to others to tell you who you are. Develop yourself and you will know what your personal style should be.”

Challenges:

1. Remove all your makeup and clean your face so that you are 100% natural. Let your hair down and wash any products that may be in it out. Take a beauty shot of yourself, just your face and hair wearing only your smile. Take a self-portrait and submit it to me at BlushingAmbers@gmail.com

Here's my naked face.

2. Studying your face in the portrait you just took, what do you believe your best features are? Accent that area with makeup. You want to draw attention to your greatest attribute. Take another self-portrait and submit it to me at BlushingAmbers@gmail.com

Drawing attention to my eyes with mascara on my lashes

3. This time create your signature look using all of the makeup you believe is necessary for a flawless look. Compare the 3 pictures and tell me which one you believe suits you best. Submit the self-portrait and your answer to BlushingAmbers@gmail.com

I feel more comfortable with this look because makeup makes me feel confident and hides my flaws.

 

The Beauty Equation: The Intro Challenge

Myself along with other fantastic beauty bloggers have joined together to create a wider sense of community among our readers/followers.  We want to tear down stereotypes about defining beauty and allow our readers to develop their own definition.  What better way to do that than through healthy discussion and positive feedback. We bloggers, want to bond with our readers and I know I feel like this is a great opportunity for me to get to know my readers and my readers to know me. So, if you are interested in participating, join in on the activity as we embark on a journey to solve our own personal Beauty Equations.

The Beauty Equation is a book written by the noted fashion photographer, Nigel Barker. It's more like a workbook formatted similarly to America's Next Top Model.  As seen on t.v., ANTM always has their models learn a lesson called a teach and put that in motion, a challenge.  And as just as Tyra gives her pre-challenge photos and provides support along the way, I plan to be their for you!

For those who agree to participate in The Beauty Equation Challenge, welcome to your first challenge. Yes, it starts right... Now!

I'll be posting my challenges twice a week. Each blogger's post is only a supplement on the topics in the book and so you don't have to read the book in order to participate. We are simply expounding on the topic and Nigel's nuggets of info, but if you do have the book great. Below is the first teach. Read it and then follow the instructions for the challenge. Email me if you have any questions.

Introduction: What is beauty, where does it come from, and how do we obtain it?
Teach: You've heard it many times before, "beauty comes from within". Nigel gives 10 essential qualities that add up to inner beauty (I'll go into these in more detail each challenge).  He believes unveiling these characteristic in you will bring your inner beauty out. For years people have created social and cultural ideas of beauty that are accepted among a large group of people.  For example, having small feet was seen as a physical trait of beauty.  Women would often cut their toes off or bound them under their feet to make their feet fit smaller shoes in many countries, including America. Unfortunately, to this day, people all over the world continue to use extreme tactics to fit into the beauty category.

Intro Challenge: Take a couple of simple head shots and submit them to me at BlushingAmbers@gmail.com with your name in the body and The Beauty Equation Intro Challenge in the Subject line. This will be the reference point for all your future photos. I'll post them to this blog. We'll look back on these later and smile... or laugh, I promise!

Look for The Beauty Equation Challenge Posts every Tuesday and Thursday.

The Make Me Feel Beautiful Campaign

My mom is a Registered Nurse (RN) for our neighborhood hospital in the Hospice unit.  That means she's making her patients, who are considered to be near the end of life, as comfortable as possible.  When I visit her at her job I always think to myself, how would I feel knowing that my days are numbered.  I hear that all the time at church because no one knows when they are going to die. Somehow it resonates a lot more when I with those that are terminally ill.  Death becomes real to me and I remember that I am not immune to it. This all brought about a special project that I've been trying to get off the ground for about 7 months. I will be starting a community service project where I do makeovers on women who are hospitalized with chronic or terminal illnesses. I want them to feel beautiful, despite their condition. I know there is a lot of red tape to get through in order to work with patients, but I finally got a call on yesterday to come in and meet with someone about officially setting up this service project.  I'm calling it the Make Me Feel Beautiful Campaign.  It's more about making the patients feeling beautiful because someone is taking the time to pay them attention.  Letting them know that every minute of their life they should feel important and worthy of being treated with respect and honor, like that of a princess or queen. So this is my way of giving back to my community using my time, talents and treasures.

Hopefully I'll be allowed to post pictures of me with the patients. If you as a reader are touched by the Make Me Feel Beautiful Campaign and want to write a letter of encouragement for me to read to the patients, please forward those to BlushingAmbers@gmail.com. Also, if you are interested in hearing more, volunteering or donating to this cause financially or with in kind gifts email me at BlushingAmbers@gmail.com.