Tuesday, August 2, 2011

No One Gonna Love You

In Jennifer Hudson's video No One Gonna Love You she's going through a situation many women find themselves in with a man that she has been dealing with for quite some time, someone she's been through a lot with, but loves to pieces and accepts for who he is. She spends the entire day prepping for their anniversary dinner that she planned for the both of them and she's let down when he doesn't show. At that point she is genuinely hurt that he didn't have to do anything and she bent over backwards to create a memorable moment and express her love to him, to celebrate their relationship... I won't tell the ending of the video or my beef with it, but instead I'd like to address the behavior of a women who gives everything of herself only to be let down by the "world". I put world in quotation marks because our relationships are what mean the most to us, be it family, friends or a significant other.

Take a look at the video and take notes on Jennifer's behavior:

After watching the video what did you observe? First, I'd like to say that Jennifer is an excellent actress and she is soooo beautiful inside and out. She was able to depict emotions that so many women feel when they've been let down in a relationship: hurt, anger, disbelief... In the beginning she also showed anticipation, anxiety, anxiousness and a genuine desire for things to go perfectly as planned. I'd be remissed to leave that part out.

Getting to the point - Feeling hurt by someone's actions happens. You will get angry at your partner's lack of enthusiasm or be in disbelief that you've put so much effort into what you have and wonder what type of women that makes you. I have the answer for that! I want my readers to know that makes you normal, the same as you getting anxious and spending hours primping to make yourself beautiful in his eye sight does. I once read a quote by Lena Horne "Don't be afraid to feel as angry or as loving as you can, because when you feel nothing, it's just death." So my advice is to feel every emotion you have in that moment, take in the experience and learn from it. The moments you love the hardest or anger consumes you are shaping you into the character you are. Your role should always be to choose to play yourself. As I listen to the words of this song, I can imagine the lyrics being about a person's love of self. "No one gonna love you/like I'm gonna love you". Replace "you" with "me" and suddenly the dynamics of the song take on a whole new meaning for yourself. Choose to love you better than anyone else!

What does this have to do with beauty? Choosing you is the first step to embracing your beauty, but who are you? Choosing who you want to be takes time and thought. While you sit in the mirror putting on your lipstick and flat ironing or curling your hair think about what kind of person you want to be if he doesn't show up or if you find yourself waiting on him, especially if this won't be the first time. Ask yourself while you are pulling the mascara wand through your lashes if you want more from a relationship, because you clearly deserve it. The amount of effort and time spent to prep alone, not even taking into account the amount of work your brain did to think thoughts of how to make yourself and that moment or previous moments execute flawlessly... have they produced an adequate outcome up to this point? And as you lean back from the mirror, take a look at the full picture, find the beauty and accept the flaws, reach for your purse to walk out the door in confidence knowing that no matter what he does, you are fine inside and out. You are FINE enough to choose to love you more than him. So if he doesn't show, you show up for yourself, feed yourself, please yourself and then go home and take pictures of how beautiful you look!

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