Meeting Makeup Mogul, Eve Pearl

Sitting with Eve Pearl, 5-time Emmy Award Winning Celebrity Makeup Artist at IMATS

Does Makeup Help Me Cope with Depression or Do I Have BDD?

In college I suffered greatly from depression and I believe a form of Body Dysmorphic Disorder also known as BDD. I would wake up for class and spend three hours doing my makeup and looking in the mirror.  I wasn’t trying to hide flaws, but I was trying to paint away the depression and negative thoughts.  Sometimes I would be so focused on doing my makeup that I’d paint my face right through my class.  I would look at the clock and realize that it was 30 min into the class time.  I had lost all concept of time.  When I finished doing my makeup, I’d be disappointed in myself for being late for class and the depression would set in all over again.  Sometimes I would just go back to bed.  Fortunately this did not affect my achievement in college.  I graduated with honors and later went on to receive my M. Ed., still exhibiting the same behavior (late to class because of doing my makeup).

Today, I’m stuck in a higher education job that I find completely boring all for the purpose of paying my bills and outrageous student loans.  I am still living this life of depression.  I have tried traditional counseling and vitamins to cope with the depression, but I’ve found that doing makeup gives me the greatest joy.  It is theraputic, I suppose in the same way a basketball enthusiast takes to the court after a stressful day. This is why I am so passionate about working full time as a print and live performance makeup artist. I can live a HEALTHY life doing what I love. For me makeup isn't a hobby and it's so much more than just makeup...


While in New York for the International Makeup-Artist Trade Show (IMATS) 2012, I was lucky enough to share my story with 5-time Emmy winner, Eve Pearl. If you don't know her story, it's really touching. She became a makeup artist by chance and did not back down from the opportunity because she wasn't "ready".  She took risks... Her advice to rising makeup artists, "Never wait to be ready for anything!" Far too often people operate out of fear and Eve Pearl's "Makeup Artist to Makeup Mogul" story is one of triumph over fear. I could relate to her story because she, like myself and many others, was not confident about her skin and worried about what people would think about her as a makeup artist when her skin wasn't perfect. The difference about her is that she faced her fears head on. In fact she took action by created her own cosmetic company which consequently allowed her to solve problems she personally faced with her skin,  Just so happened, many of her products became popular because they were universal solutions for the everyday woman. 


If it wasn't for my desire to address my mental health issues with what some call an obsession and I call "makeup therapy", I may not have been in the right place at the right time to hear this authentic message.  Eve Pearl helped me realize that makeup doesn't just conceal flaws or enhance beauty, but it cultivates confidence. 

Don't just make up your face, make over your mind!

If you are interested in the topic of Body Dysmorphic Disorder, the article "Too Ugly For Love" may interest you.

Body Dysmorphic Disorder Self Test - Fear of Imagined Ugliness

I ran across a BDD self test published on the pamguide.com.au website that has 8 questions. The test allows individuals to self assess their actions and thoughts about their perceived flaws.  The test is targeted for those who want to understand if their thoughts and actions are indicators of a more serious condition beyond poor self esteem, BDD. Those who suffer from BDD alter their lifestyle to avoid others seeing their perceived physical imperfections.  One question states, "Do you use makeup to minimise [sic] displaying to others the part of your body that you feel is unattractive?" I am not surprised that this question comes up on a test like this because so many people who are affected by BDD tend to list skin as their number one imperfection and they often use makeup to cover up blemishes and acne.

See the entire list of questions here: http://www.pamguide.com.au/anxiety/bdd_test.php

I'm not sure how accurate this test is, but I found it quite interesting. Please tell me your thoughts.

Note that the clinical and counseling psychologists have made this disclaimer on the site, "The information and self - tests provided are for guidance and self - education. They are not a substitute for the diagnosis by a health care provider."


For more info on Body Dysmorphic Disorder, click on the BDD page tab under the blog header.

What is Body Dysmorphic Disorder?

If you haven't had a chance to check out our media kit, Please do! It not only talks about our demographics that we receive from various surveys about our readers but sheds light on our philanthropic cause, Body Dysmorphic Disorder known as BDD. BDD is an unhealthy obsession with a perceived physical flaw. The Broken Mirror published a study done by its author Dr. Kathrarine Philips, involving over 500 patients, where “skin” proved to be a common concern among 73%. Some concerns with skin may be acne and even hyper-pigmentation, which is skin discoloration or dark spots that may have been formed from acne. Some other conditions may be the size or structure of the forehead or nose. In these cases, BDD suffers may wear certain clothing to hide the appearance of the perceived defect, stand or sit in awkward positions and many times seek cosmetic surgery to alter their appearance. Those obsessed with their flaws completely alter their way of living and may become isolated and refuse to leave their home. People with BDD can receive counseling and should consult with a doctor before their conditions worsen. BDD suffers may experience depression and suicidal thoughts. Many people do not understand just how serious BDD can be to someone. For this reason I have included videos in the media kit, but I would also like to share two of them with you. Click the links below to watch the videos. If you found this topic interesting you may want to read "Too Ugly for Love"

What is BDD? Video 1

 

What is BDD? Video 2

Body Dysmorphic Disorder Support Group

I was doing some random search on updates surrounding Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) and I stumbled across a really good resource, an online social forum for those who want to discuss their battle of obsession with a perceived physical flaw. People who suffer from BDD allow the obsession to alter their lifestyle with compulsive disorders and in extreme cases self mutilation. Not all of the participants are clinically diagnosed with BDD. Some of them are joining this support group to prevent themselves from slipping into BDD and have mild or few symptoms of BDD. More information on this topic can be found in my past post Too Ugly For Love. For anyone who is seeking a support group to fight against negative self concepts on their appearance I suggest checking out this online forum/support group at http://body-dysmorphic-disorder.supportgroups.com/

Is plastic surgery a form of self mutilation?

It wasn't until I had done research on Body Dysmorphic Disorder that I began to look at the idea of plastic surgery in a different light. Before then going under the knife seemed to be a glorified luxury available to the rich and famous, as I had only known one person to tell me her boobs were fake, a gift given to her for graduating high school... In my low-income, first generation college graduate mind I thought, "Where they do dat at???" I grew up in a economically challenged suburb of Chicago and until college had never been exposed to anyone who had enough cash flow to spend it on personal esthetics beyond the local MAC counter. Knowing nothing of her family's financial situation, I assumed girlfriend was well off.  With this experience, or lack thereof, my perception of cosmetic surgery was: it's an expensive permanent alteration done by the rich and famous, for the rich and famous. The thought of what I might change about my body with plastic surgery never entered my mind because I assumed I couldn't afford that type of operation.

If money wasn't an issue, my mother's strong Christian values put a halt to any inkling that nipping and tucking was okay. Like many others, my momma is a strong Black woman and I believe there are very few things if any that can shake her self-esteem. She has worked as a Registered Nurse, now Clinical Nurse Specialist, for most of her adult life. This type of background has surrounded her with many people in the medical field and so I have no doubt the topic of plastic surgery has come up in the hospital cafeteria or nurse's station. I have never asked her if she would change anything about her body physically, but growing up under her roof, I know what her educated and spiritual stance on the topic would be - God didn't make no junk! She has told me time after time that I should embrace who I am.  She does believe in living a healthy lifestyle, though. She always encourages me to be more selective of my food choices and to make time to exercise... I have yet to comply with these wishes... Mom I promise, I'm getting to it... :-) It wasn't until I started doing makeup on other people that my mom wanted me to make her up. I believe it has been more of an effort to support me in my hobby of interest more so than the desire to be bothered with all this beauty stuff. In fact, when I lived with her she would complain about how long it took me to "put my face on" in the mirror saying, "Come on, you always make me late for church!" I'd shut the door in the bathroom and pretend I'm peeing to get a few extra minutes to perfect my look. (Maybe that was too much info... Sorry!) Even though I had made her late for church spending an hour or more doing my makeup (a slight exaggeration, though she'd beg to differ) she'd always take the time to say something positive about my appearance. A simple, "You look nice", even though I may have complained about my thin eyebrows and how I should have filled them in a little thicker. Her opinion mattered way more than any of the messages coming from the media.

In college I was an avid fan of Nip/Tuck and got hooked on the series late so I would often stay up at night to watch old episodes. I still watch them from time to time because the drama of the storyline is crazy and frankly I found it entertaining. Some of the outrageous procedures they did on these patients, though not real, really seemed superficial. Of course, there was a little truth to the scenarios. It opened my eyes to the fact that 1. surgery is painful, 2. that kind of beauty comes at a price, I had already figured that much out, but most shockingly 3. the patients coming in to see them were usually battling an issue with self and society. The patients the surgeons consulted with were often doing things to their bodies to be accepted in their social environments. To me that screams self hate. For me, I am more concerned with what doctors are finding out about their patients during the consultation in regards to self concept. I do agree that there are several exceptions when it comes to plastic surgery that aren't done to prevent the appearance of aging or with superficial reasoning, but rather to make their quality of life better, such as nose jobs to better someone's air passageway for breathing. Couldn't all patients argue that plastic surgery is done to better their quality of life? True, to a certain extent.

All plastic surgery is done to remove some psychological element. When someone looks in the mirror and they are not happy with what they see they immediately want to cover it up or remove it. For the person who looks in the mirror and says, "Man, my pimples remind me that I have oily skin", I'd like to say it could be worse... You could be looking in the mirror at a scar from a domestic violence incident. That type of physical reminder is seen everyday of a horrible life altering event. My aunt has a glass eye after being shot at a college party. I see a difference in these decisions to get cosmetic surgery. In some moderate cases, I believe there are other ways to deal with a perceived flaw(s).  Perhaps there are some other issues that need to be addressed prior to surgery or that can be overcome and accepted without surgery. In these cases, I only pray that resources are being made available to these patients. Changing a person's self perception from negative to positive is a much greater service to provide.

Are African Americans developing obsessions about their appearance at a younger age?

I am writing an article on Body Dysmorphic Disorder (the obsession with a perceived flaw in a way that alters your lifestyle) and I am interested in knowing what my readers believe to be true about the condition. People with Body Dysmophic Disorder in extreme cases opt for plastic surgery, can develop obsessive compulsive disorders, and may even consider/attempt mutilation. For more information on this topic read my past post Too Ugly For Love. Comment below or send me an email if you want your answer to be anonymous. Thanks in advance for helping me in a great cause to add more research around this topic!

Are African Americans at a greater risk of developing Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) due to the stigma placed upon them in the United States? If so, are they more likely to develop BDD at a younger age?

Too Ugly for Love

Can you think of something about the way you look that you would change? Maybe you have a pointy nose or large ears.  For some people they spend hours in front of a mirror and pick themselves apart. They stare at their freckles wishing them away and those who can't accept their "flaws" decide to physically alter their appearance either by cosmetic surgery or self inflicted pain.

Blushing Ambers is dedicated to a cause that many people deal with at some level. It's not quite an obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), but the altering of our lifestyle to hide a perceived flaw.  You might not leave the house unless your makeup is done to cover up old acne scars or wear bangs to cover up your forehead. Society teaches us at a young age, what is culturally defined as beautiful. Just recently, BeautifulPeople.com a popular dating site, reportedly deleted 30,000 member accounts stating whom they deemed did not fit their beauty standards and in December booted 5,000 members who "appeared to heavy during the Christmas season".  People glorify images of celebrities and public figures who are skinny, with "flawless" skin, and long hair and call them picture perfect. Truth is, even celebrities may not measure up to these standards unless placed under a knife, the use of harmful chemicals, fad diets or photo altering computer software.  America is a symbol of diversity and the irony lies in the idea that everyone should have the same body type, bone structure and no fat. Unfortunately there are those who will die trying to become the "model" citizen rather than defining their own beauty.

Obsessive thoughts about perceived appearance defects is formally known as Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD). One of the many symptoms of BDD is depression and those who have a BDD often spend hours in the mirror. Although I was never clinically diagnosed as depressed or with having a BDD, I can relate with depression.

In college, I was unhappy with my environment and didn't feel that I fit in because I looked different from other students. I felt that how I looked on the outside made me different on the inside.  I was the only African American in the entire English Department in my cohort. I was like a single cocoa puff in a bowl of milk. I felt the pressure to succeed because I didn't want to be a statistic or stereotyped because of my race or ethnicity. I worked hard to compensate for any academic gaps I had in order to perform at the level of my White classmates. When I was stressed over grades only being average and my lack of social life, I felt overwhelmed and became very depressed.  I would wake up several hours in the mirror before class doing my makeup and finding the perfect outfit. After all that primping, I'd suddenly have no energy, lay back down and go to sleep or randomly, for no concrete reason have these crying spells.  I considered seeing a counselor, even went a couple of times, but then diagnosed myself as "a normal college student going through identity crisis" and figured it was just a phase I'd snap out of. I also felt that counseling was a taboo in African American culture and was ashamed and afraid someone would see me walking out of the doctors office. I was having suicidal thoughts and even considered coming home from school, but a group of people who cared about me reached out and gave me the support I needed to make it though.

I don't know if doing my makeup all that time in the mirror was me trying to change anything I didn't like about myself physically, but I definitely believe I was trying to paint away the things I didn't like about myself emotionally.  Then, and even now, I found my escape to peace in the world of makeup. I find that while I'm doing makeup, I am not thinking about my student loan debt or my disrespectful car that breaks down whenever it feels like it. Doing makeup for me has always been about expressing myself through an art form.  I suppose like any artist, when I put the brush down and the piece is finished there is a little sadness. I have to leave a state of meditation and actually find real solutions to real problems; I can't just paint them away.  In the process of "painting away" my problems, I began to see a different me; the me I wanted to be, rather than the ones my comparison with others made me feel like. This, along with the support and motivation from my loved ones somehow managed to lift me up from a dark place in my life. I believe makeup was my therapy and continuing to do makeup has made me feel good. If I find myself heading back down that road of depression, I pull out my brush roll and 120 palette.

I figured if I shared my story; someone else might find my "Makeup Therapy" to be helpful. There are many people that don't believe there is a cure for BDD, only medicinal treatments that lessen the symptoms. And since many of the people diagnosed with BDD are feeding their obsessions by looking in the mirror and doing their makeup, I assumed naturally they would be drawn to makeup and beauty blogs, including Blushing Ambers. Hopefully the healthy messages and encouragement to develop one's own definition of beauty will resonate and began to change their perspectives about their body image. I understand that one of the many symptoms of BDD is camouflaging a perceived defect with clothes, makeup, fashion accessories and posture. This means the content of this blog can be used to feed their obsession. Blushing Ambers is in no way trying to fuel anyone suffering with a BDD or body image problems. In fact, quite the opposite! Blushing Ambers wants to serve as a resource on using makeup and skincare as a meditative and therapeutic, physical and mental health tool and a creative outlet.  We want our readers to embrace who they are and what they look like and through that find self love. So I did a little research to help me understand the disorder and its symptoms better, as well as find helpful ways to reach out and support people with a BDD.

I came across a clip from this documentary "Too Ugly For Love" on The Body Dysmorphic Disorder Foundation website. The video allowed people to share their story about being clinically diagnosed with this psychological obsession with what they believed to be their flaws.  Watching the clip, I now know that it must be very difficult to work with someone who, no matter what you tell them, has a hard time believing anything different than their perception. They see a very different picture of themselves inside their head than in reality, even what they see in the mirror is a distorted image of their self. Psychological disorders seem harder to treat than those that are physical. There are many stereotypes of people with BDD, such as narsassistic and selfish. Someone with a psychological disorder such as BDD, needs to build relationships with many people they trust who will give them a positive environment that reaffirms their self worth and promotes community responsibility. One person telling a someone with a BDD that they are beautiful, carefully and uniquely made to serve a purpose, won't be enough support. Even if that person never completely recovers from a BDD, a support group and sense of responsibility may help them to have better days and hopefully prevent suicides and self harm.

I have been doing research on this topic for only a short period of time.  The UK based foundation appears to no longer be operating (Donate button no longer has an open paypal account) and the website has not been updated. I would like to find a charity to support that is either doing research or providing services towards Body Dysmorphic Disorder patients in America. If anyone has more information please reach out to me BlushingAmbers@gmail.com.

:::EXTRA:::
How I am Learning to Like My Face by Dani
Another blogger's journey to self worth and how she blocked BDD. She a former product junkie that gives advice to those who are insecure about acne blemishes.

As always, don't